Lost Gold Chronicles: Not Your Average Baby Shower
by CJ Moliere
Summary: Tink and Bae are expecting their first child. While Belle and the women hold a baby shower for her at the house, Rumple and the men hold a shower for Bae at the bar but when the men stay out too late and come home drunk, the women decide to teach them a lesson they'll never forget!


There were times when Bae wondered how his father did it. The moment he found out Tinkerbell was expecting their first child...and his second, he was nervous as hell. He hadn't exactly been Father of the Year with Henry but in the three years they'd been reunited he was trying to make up for that. His own father, who made his own mistakes with Bae, showed little signs of being nervous at all when his younger brother and sister were born because he knew what it was like to actually be a parent and the responsibilities it entailed. His daughter would also be part sorceress and part fairy which added to his anxiety. His sister Hope was already getting into mischief with her magic, disappearing from the Diseny store and scaring ten years off him the worst of it...so far.

Tinkerbell was just as nervous since this would be her first child as well. She knew she would have plenty of sources for advice from the women of Storybrooke who were mothers, particularly those in their family. Belle decided to throw her daughter-in-law a baby shower and invitations were sent out all over town. Soon Storybrooke's shops were crowded with women buying gifts for the expecting mother. They all knew she was having a daughter thanks to Rumple and all the gifts that were purchased were things the women thought would be perfect for a little girl.

While his wife was holding her baby shower for Tinkerbell at the house, Rumple was holding his own shower for the father to be at The Spinning Wheel Bar and Grille. He opened the pub shortly after Nathan's birth and it tended to attract a much better crowd than the infamous Rabbit Hole. He still owned that vile joint, only going in there when Dove was not available to collect the rent.

Regina was the first guest to arrive at Rumple's Victorian, her arms loaded with bags.

"Good gods Madam Mayor!" Evangeline exclaimed. "It looks like you bought out half the town!"

Regina laughed. "Close enough. Is Tink here yet?"

"Not yet but Belle is waiting in the living room. Chip! Grab Regina's bags and take them into the living room!" she instructed her grandson while Lumiere took Regina's coat and hung it up in the closet. Regina walked into the living room and found Belle sitting on the sofa reading a book. When the younger woman noticed she had company, she quickly marked her place in her book and closed it.

"Hello Belle," Regina greeted. "I know I'm a bit early."

"That's fine. We can just relax until everyone gets here."

"Where's Rumple?"

"Oh they're having a father shower down at the pub."

Regina snorted. "And they'll all come home wasted I'm sure."

"That's when we exile them to the sofa dearie," Belle said with a grin.

"Oh you mean you've actually done that? I'm shocked," Regina gasped.

"Rumple and I have our disagreements like any normal couple and believe me, a sofa exile works every time."

"That it does. Hi Regina," Tink greeted her friend warmly.

"Getting a bit of a bump there I see," Regina said, pointing at Tink's abdomen. The fairy smiled and sat down in the recliner across from them. Minutes later the other women started arriving, their arms loaded with gifts for the new mother. Tinkerbell wondered how she and Bae were going to fit all those things into their apartment. It was large enough for them and a new baby but she didn't want too many things piling up in the house as they did in Rumple and Belle's house. Belle was still trying, with little success, to break her husband of his hoarding habit.

"Who did the bouquet of lilies come from? They're beautiful," his cousin Azkadellia murmured.

"I brought them from one of the best shops down in Miami," Channon said. "I figured they'd be fitting since Tink's already decided to name the baby Lilly."

"I'm naming her after Tiger Lilly...she was a friend of mine in Neverland, who, unfortunately got on the bad side of Pan and he had her poisoned with dreamshade." Tink explained.

"He tried to do the same to me but I escaped and went to Wonderland," Silvermist added. "Why did you stay, Tink?"

"Bae," she answered. "He didn't get along with most of the Lost Boys and he was lonely so we spent most of our time together, him, me and Tiger Lilly. But Pan, being Pan, didn't like anyone other than himself being the focus of attention from the Neverland residents...and I suspect Tiger Lilly found out what his connection to Bae was and came to me to warn Bae. She died before she could tell me anything. But...I still have my memories," she said as she wiped tears from her eyes. "Do all women get this...emotional while pregnant?"

"That...morning sickness...odd cravings...it's different for all of us," Snow spoke up. "I had more anxiety while I was pregnant with Emma."

"Oh go on and say it...because you didn't know what I was planning," Regina muttered.

"No, we didn't but that's in the past," Snow said, not wating to start a war.

"I was rather calm while I was pregnant with Nathan but with Hope Rumple said I was worse than him sometimes with my temper," Belle said. "I would go from hot to cold in seconds flat. Still, I would do it again."

Every woman in the room who already had a child agreed heartily with that statement.

"Okay, its time for games," Regina announced and asked all the women to go into the dining room. They all started laughing when they found bingo cards at their places. Regina was known as a high roller in Las Vegas and Atlantic City and she thrived on the popularity it brought her. "Now here's the catch: Tink gets half of whatever money prizes you win to purchase items she will need for the baby...but I have an idea she won't need that much," she added with a chuckle.

Down at The Spinning Wheel Bar and Grille, most of the tables had been pushed together to form a large one while packages of diapers were stacked on three others. Bae laughed when he saw it. He wouldn't need to buy the things for at least a year...or two.

"Hey Will!" David called out to Will Scarlet. "Tell them to make sure the tv's turned up loud enough for us to hear, will ya? World Series is coming on!"

"They know. Most of us have money on this game." Will said as he sat down beside Cyrus. "Hey! Rumfather! You gonna get off the phone or what?" he yelled over at Rumple.

Rumple was seated at the end of the table with his cellphone on his ear and a notepad in his hand. "You're just in time. Okay that's one hundred on Boston? Okay..talk to you later. Do you mind?" he demanded of Will. "I was conducting business."

"I'm still surprised you weren't a bookie during the curse, Papa." Bae said and laughed. "And I blame you for getting him into it," he added, glancing in Diego's direction.

The former vice detective laughed himself. "As long as he doesn't go assault with a deadly cane on someone for not paying up I'm okay with it and betting on sports is a given, you know that."

"Well I'm not taking any more bets." Rumple informed them, motioning for the server to bring them their drinks. He held up his beer mug. "To Bae and my new granddaughter Lilly!"

"To Bae and Lilly!" the men called out and clinked their mugs together.

"I gotta admit guys, I'm scared half to death. I mean, I wasn't there with Henry and I know it's not gonna be easy." Bae said nervously. "And raising a girl is different from raising a boy."

"Plus she is going to have fairy blood, Bae," his father said. "But you're going to be fine. And don't forget, Tink is probably as nervous as you are, even more so since she's going to be the one giving birth. You _are_ going to Tink's childbirthing classes, aren't you?"

He nodded. "I hope to hell I don't pass out. What good would I be to Tink if I'm passed out on the floor."

"She'll just zap your ass to wake you up," Diego joked. "Now, before the game starts, let's play a little game." He opened a duffle bag and took out a supply of baby bottles handing them to Rumple, Hook, Robin Hood and Cyrus. "Fill these up with what you're drinking to here," he said, pointing to a line on the bottle. "Here's the rules...no biting the nipple, no squeezing bottle...and no magic Pop! The first one with an empty bottle wins."

Rumple scowled. "You actually want me to suck beer out of a _baby bottle?!" _

"What's the matter, crocodile? Afraid I'll be done before you even get half done?" Hook challenged.

"Oh we all know you could drink Jack Sparrow under the table," Rumple retorted.

"In his mind, maybe," Robin said and smirked. "Ready to lose again, Hook?"

"Not on your life!"

"Don't count me out, boys." Cyrus said.

"This is going to be hilarious," Bae said and chuckled, taking out his cellphone and setting it to record.

"Okay, on the count of three..start sucking! One...two..three!" Diego yelled. The men grabbed the bottles and got to work while their friends cheered them on.

"Come on Papa! You can do it!" Bae encouraged.

"Show em how it's done Rob!" Little John bellowed.

"Come on Hook, you gonna let them beat you?" David asked.

"You're falling behind, Cyrus...get your mouth moving!" Will coached. Soon everyone in the bar was hollering at the contestants and pumping their arms up and down.

"Go! Go! Go! Go!"

"Diego, who's winning?" Bae asked, keeping his phone focused on the group while Diego circled them and checked the bottles. Robin was in the lead with Hook in a close second, Rumple in third and Cyrus in last place. Diego pointed at Robin. The other men started working harder to catch up.

"Okay Robin's our winner!" Diego announced, setting his bottle down. He took the bottles from the other men and leaned down to see how much each had. "Pop comes in second...Hook third and Cyrus...last."

"What? How did you get past me, crocodile?" Hook demanded of his nemesis.

"You were too busy watching Robin that I noticed you slowed down...so I seized my opportunity," Rumple answered.

"Okay, we're gonna do another round and the winner of this round gets to compete against Robin for the prize. Wyatt, Elmer, David and Will, you're up!" Diego informed the spouses of Rumple's cousins, Wyatt Cain and Elmer Gulch and David and Will Scarlet.

"Watch and learn Cyrus!" Will informed his friend as he filled his bottle.

"Ready to lose again, Wyatt," Elmer challenged his former Tin Man partner and current sheriff.

"Not this time El. I got pretty good at drinking contests in the Resistance camps." Wyatt said confidently.

"Make me proud David," Hook said to his father-in-law.

"Okay boys. You know the rules. One...two..three...GO!" Bae shouted while their friends started cheering them on.

"Who's winning, Papa?" Bae asked Rumple who was acting as a referee for the second round.

"Wyatt, Elmer and Will are all too close to tell!" Rumple announced.

"Come on, David!" Hook cried. David was struggling to get even to the halfway point. Diego and Rumple stood behind the three men watching them closely. They still seemed to be head to head until Wyatt pulled his bottle out of his mouth and held it up.

"Awww shit!" Will cursed. His still had a small amount in it as did Elmer's.

"All right, Dad!" Jeb Cain exclaimed.

"Robin, Wyatt...you ready?" Bae asked the two men. They nodded. Diego counted off and the contest began. As with the previous round, the two men were equally matched, forcing Diego and Rumple to strain their eyes to see who was inching ahead. Finally Robin slammed his bottle down on the table.

"Robin Hood is our winner!" Diego declared and pulled a wooden plaque out of his duffle bag, handing it to him. It had a pacifier on it with the words "BIGGEST SUCKER" written on it along with the date. The men burst into laughter.

"Who made that?"

"Marco," Diego replied.

"Game's starting!" the bartender called out. Scraping was heard as all the chairs in the room were turned toward the big screen TV.

Back at Rumple's Victorian the women were back in the living room for the next game. There were several tables set up with dolls from Hope's room on them along with diapers.

"All right...this one is called Sloppy Diaper Relay," Tink explained. "I'm going to split you all up into teams and you'll both have to change the baby's diaper and put a clean one on...before the timer goes off."

"That shouldn't be too hard," Regina said.

Tink smirked and held up a blindfold. "Try doing it blindfolded and no magic from those of you who have it."

"Oh I can diaper a baby blindfolded," Fiona bragged. Cattie giggled.

"She thinks," Regina muttered. She was partnered with Emma and of the two of them Regina had more experience changing diapers. Tink placed an egg timer on the coffee table and sat down while the women walked over to the table. Evangeline blindfolded all of the contestants and set the timer for the expecting mother who would record the event on her phone.

"All right ladies...go!" Evangeline called out.

Tink was giggling as she watched the women stumble over themselves and each other as they tried to diaper their dolls as fast as their opponents. Diapers went flying everywhere and quite a few of them were put in the wrong place, such as the doll's head.

"And our winners are...Fiona and Cattie!" Evangeline announced. The other women removed their blindfolds and glanced over at the last table where the two elderly Scotswomen stood with identical grins on their faces. They'd only used two diapers, one for each partner while the others went through the entire stack.

"How the hell...?" Snow demanded.

"When I say I can diaper a baby blindfolded, I _mean_ I can diaper a baby blindfolded," Fiona boasted. "I may be old but I've still got my wits about me."

Evangeline and Lumiere cleaned up and moved the tables out of the room then started handing each set of partners a roll of toilet paper. Emma laughed.

"We gonna go TP people's houses?" she asked.

"No. The object of this game is that you have to create an outfit for your partner out of the toilet paper...and the most original one wins a prize," Tink explained. "Everybody ready? Go!"

She sat back down and watched the women go to work. Nearly all of them made dresses out of theirs except for DG who used hers to turn Azkadellia into a living mummy and Regina who used hers to make a halter top and thong on Emma. Once all the outfits were done, Tink walked around and studied each one. She thought they were all hilarious but the object was to make something original.

"DG and Az...you win!" she said. "I said original and you gave me original."

"All right!" DG crowed.

Later that night the women were still at Rumple's Victorian but none of them were happy. It was almost eleven at night and the men still hadn't returned from the bar. Finally they could hear voices and looked outside to see the men staggering up the sidewalk, all of them laughing and singing loudly.

_"Why don't we get drunk an' screw?_

_I just bought a waterbed, it's filled up for me an' you__  
__They say you are a snuff queen__  
__Honey, I don't think that's true__  
__So, why don't we get drunk an' screw?"_

"In their dreams maybe," DG hissed while Azkadellia gave the door a look that was even more terrifying than Regina's Evil Queen one.

"Belle...why's the door locked?" Rumple slurred as he pounded on it. "C'mon sweetheart...lemme in..."

"Oooh is he gonna get it..." DG sang while Belle stalked over to the door and yanked it open.

"Oh, don't worry sweetheart...we'll be right home after the game," Belle said mockingly as she glared at her husband. _"Four hours late and you smell like you crawled out of a damned brewery!_"

"Awww...come on...was jus celebratin' being a grandpa again...my boy's gonna have a lil girl...and maybe we can start on another one..." he added, winking at her.

"Oh no! You're not touching me until you're sober! And you'll be sleeping outside!"

"I jus had a drink…or two...or three...Bae...y'know how many? Lost count."

"Dunno," Bae mumbled as he approached Tink. "There's m'girl...havin' my girl..."

"Oh good gods, you're just as drunk as your father!" she exclaimed. Her husband was practically hanging onto her. "And you'll be joining him outside too I might add!"

"As a matter of fact...you'll _all _be sleeping outside tonight," Regina informed the men.

"Can't make _me._.." Rumple taunted.

"Oh, can't we? Henry!" Belle called out to her grandson. He emerged from behind Belle with Aramon's Talisman around his neck. The stone was glowing meaning that he'd already used to remove his grandfather's powers temporarily so that no magical chaos could ensue.

"Et tu, Henry?" Bae demanded of his son.

"Sorry Dad," the boy said with a grin and waved his hands conjuring a series of tents out in the yard. "And you won't be allowed back in til they give me permission to release the barrier."

"You wait...you just wait til you get older," Bae mumbled. "You won't be laughing when_you _get kicked out of the bed."

"Off you go," Henry said with flourish as perfect as his grandfather's Rumple shook his head as he and the rest of the men trekked over to the tents, complaining that their plans for their women for the night had just been ruined by a kid, no one smarting more over it than Bae and Rumple.

While the women slept peacefully, the men had a more difficult time of it. Most of them had terrible hangovers but the worst part was being awakened by people driving past the house honking their horns and laughing at them and the sign that had been put up in the yard by Tink reading: DRUNKEN STUPIDITY= BEDROOM LOCKOUT.

Although there were no more crazy villians running loose, the most prominent families in Storybrooke were still finding ways to liven up the town. People just didn't know what to expect from one day to the next but one thing was for certain, it wasn't boring.


End file.
